when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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