I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
