office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
