WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
