...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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