Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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