census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
