oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
