you guys were way drunker than both of me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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