an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
