So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
