call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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