o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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