It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
