i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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