i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
