I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
