Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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