it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
