i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
