So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
