You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
