I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize