I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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