I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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