When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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