This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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