This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?