We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.