I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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