We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups