the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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