It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
