i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
