you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
