So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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