I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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