Im at strip club and am horny
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
