I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
