So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
