I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
