Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
