ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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