just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The air was thick with penises
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
