Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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