you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
