I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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