Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well you can't waste a boner
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
