Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
