Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
