I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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