im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize