And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You are a genius and a whore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
