Plan B is the new Plan A
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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