When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
