I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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