Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's blow job season.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
