Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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