i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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