Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
