Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
