New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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