Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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