my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I could fuck to npr.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
